on a tangent…

I spent last weekend at The Mill retreat centre with a pretty special bunch of people. It was Fusion’s National Conference. Right now we are in a period of unprecedented transition as we mark the end of the first 10 years of our journey in the UK, release key members of our leadership team into full time secular work and embark on the next 10 years of our ministry.

In such times of upheaval it’s so easy to get caught up in the tasks that need to be done or worry about what the future holds. Its not easy to remain present and open to what God is doing in each moment.

A few weeks ago I realised that I was carrying a significant amount of stress. I had stopped sleeping and was feeling quite anxious most of the time. One morning at about 3am I decided to journal to see if I could get a handle on what was going on for me. It didn’t take me long to realise that all the things I was stressing about were questions regarding the future. There are some anxieties about the future that a bit of planning and preparation will put to rest. There are other anxieties around questions to do with the future that are simply impossible to answer until we get there. It was this second group that I was fretting over.

But what do you about that? Well, here is what I have been trying and even my botched attempts are working better for me than fretting and stressing! Firstly I wrote the questions and anxieties down on pieces of paper and placed them under the cross in my prayer room; a symbol of my desire and attempt to keep surrendering and entrusting these things to my loving Father and saviour. Secondly as I attempt to live from a place of trusting God with my future, I am trying to be more present in today. I suspect that as I am present today and engaging with what God is doing and saying in this moment, that prepares and positions me to take each step into tomorrow. I realise that the very act of preoccupying over the future prevents me from being ready for the future. It’s kind of counterintuitive, but I think it’s true.

Having said all that I realise that I haven’t told you about last week’s conference. I guess that will have to wait till next week, but for now let’s enjoy the present!

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