“I wish the ring hadn’t come to me. I wish that none of this had happened.” “So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” Young Frodo talking with his mentor, Gandalf, at the start of his epic journey to destroy the ‘one ring’.
I am having a weekend off after what has been a rough two weeks; I have chosen to spend some time watching the film adaptations of Tolkein’s trilogy. To be honest I chose to watch them simply because I enjoy them and I wanted to – a bit of nice self indulgence! I guess I forgot why I love the story so much.
This week my weariness and crankiness reached new heights to the point at which I just wanted to give up. I didn’t want to work so hard any more, I wanted to take a rest and put my feet up, and most importantly remove myself from anyone close enough to cause me pain or be pained my me. If I’m honest I was feeling a bit sorry for myself! I felt a bit like Frodo in this scene – I wish my life was different right now “I wish the ring hadn’t come to me”. I feel sorry for Frodo at this point – he’s only two thirds of the way through the first volume and there’s another two to go before his journey ends! I am so glad he listened to Gandalf and we have the great journey to celebrate. Do you take courage from Gandalf’s words? I find it fascinating that although he basically says ‘don’t feel so sorry for yourself, get on with the job and as well as you can, give it your best shot!’, I feel like getting back up on my feet and saying ‘bring it on!’.
When I reach my give up line, I don’t want people around me to say ‘there, there, you’ve given it a good go, no one’s going to blame you for stopping now, you deserve a break’. No! I want to be reminded of the spirit within me, created before the world began and now one with God’s own Spirit. Reminded of the part of me that knows I live to make my God smile and because of that my existence counts. Please give me some cool water, tend to my wounds and if necessary take me to the healing house, but remember and please remind me that the journey and calling is mine by gift, and all I have to decide is what to do with it. Believe in God’s work within me and I will find courage and fresh hope once again.