Recently I gave a briefing on a section of the work that I have been facilitating over recent months. The first 15 or 20 seconds were me saying profound things like “um….” “ ..er..” and a classic of mine “yeah….”. A couple of years ago a peer gave me some feedback after I had taught a lesson: “Claire you need to work on the first 10 minutes of your session, you seem to circle in, and its not clear if you know where you are going.” I cant remember his exact words but it was something along those lines! A few times over the last few weeks I have found myself trying to explain stuff and finding that people didn’t have a clue what I was on about!
Some times I can be sharp and sometimes I can create an almighty fog and leave people stranded in the middle of it.
Yesterday another colleague of mine was reflecting on the fact that one of the keys to building trust with others was actually trusting yourself. I wonder if that is a lot of what is happening for me. The journey of trusting myself, letting the core of me have a voice. In fact I am pretty convinced that its been the major them of this past 12 months for me.
Often I find that before I open my mouth, in my mind I am assuming that either I am probably wrong or that others wont take me seriously; this is particularly true when I am trying to communicate with those who hold some sort of authority or influence over me.
Then I take the time to tune into my spirit, the place where the real me lives and if I trust what’s there, the words seem to order themselves. Its interesting hey! I was sharing some of this with a friend a few weeks ago as we walked around Poatina village at the end of the day. While we talked I remembered the sentiment in one of the poems in the bible of God speaking to his Beloved (you and I) as to a shy dove hiding in a cleft on the mountain side, wooing her to come out and sing, because he longed to hear her voice and see her face. I get the sense that God loves it when we trust ourselves, the best part of us, and speak … when we find our voice and let it rise.